PS I'm Freaking Out

This is a scary one to post for me, but all my friends have been bravely putting their art out there lately, so I will join the trend. At one point during an especially anxiety-filled few months I wrote a number of songs and began writing demos for an album. I sat on the idea for awhile until the world shut down. Then, I sat down and finished something, which is never an easy task but felt amazingly fulfilling. I’ll post the descriptions of the songs here and then the lyrics in a future post.

PS I’m Freaking Out

This is the story of an anxious wanderer dealing with the struggles of anxiety and panic in a world where they are woefully misunderstood.

Inside Out

The album starts with an ode to the awkward. “Inside Out” is a song of self-awareness. The narrator is describing his short-givings to a potential partner whom he will never meet. The narrator is aware that he will never take the necessary steps forward to progress this situation, and in his head, he plays out the excuses he’s come up with to justify this lack of motivation. 

Uh Oh

“Uh Oh” is a song of acceptance. Although the track comes early in the album, the narrator has come to terms with his mental health issues, and he’s in the first stages of recovery.

Pacing

“Pacing” rewinds a bit to the beginning stages of panic and anxiety. The anxious wanderer has just discovered how brutal constant panic attacks can be on his psyche and struggles with how much (if any) help he should seek. He feels the need to reach out but also wants to be left to “die.”

Rozwell That Ends Well

Track four expresses the frustration of having one’s productivity imparied by anxiety. Poor productivity is not only a consequence of poor mental health but also a source. The narrator describes his constant need to fill his time, however, sometimes no amount of accomplishment feels gratifying. In the chorus, he gives up and does nothing except scroll through his Instagram feed in a public bathroom stall.

Something Better

Nearly all humans have one thing in common: the belief that things will get better for themselves. This track makes a point to juxtapose lighthearted instrumentals with existential vocals.

Shape Shift (Rock on Gee)

Sometimes in the throes of an anxiety disorder, we discover things about ourselves that we didn’t know before. These new revelations can be freeing, or they can be frustrating. “Shape Shift” describes considering a new perspective while simultaneously wishing others not to worry—we’ve got this.

Parrot Hat

“Parrot Hat” is the first and only track on this album written as a narrative. The anxious wanderer has been invited to a costume party that he has no interest in attending. After being coerced, he decides he can attend for a bit before having to worry about having a panic attack. He phones-in his costume by wearing a bird-shaped hat and finds a comfortable spot against a wall to wait for time to pass. After meeting an interesting woman dressed as a bumblebee, he begins to drink, and the booze melts away his anxiety. The bumblebee eventually turns down the anxious wanderer’s advances, but he doesn’t mind. Anxiety-free and tipsy, he enjoys the rest of the party from the dance floor.

Syntherlude

Synth driven instrumental.

Happy Dance

In track 9, “Happy Dance,” the narrator is explaining that it’s okay to want to be alone and to feel distress from time to time. The chorus of this track has dual meanings. The lyric “Checking in on me is fine” can be directed at an outsider, reminding them that it’s okay to ask questions and be there for the narrator in not-so-great times. It also describes a common habit of an anxious person: checking in. When one checks in, they might pay close attention to their breathing, thinking, or feeling. Any sore spot might be a tumor. Any missed heartbeat may be the start of a heart attack. The final line of the chorus explains that the narrator is happy to take a pill to take it all away.

Chuggy

“Chuggy” is about a good friend whose personality was changed by mental illness and the subsequent feeling of helplessness. 

Freaking Out

In the second to last and title track, the narrator accepts his panic attacks as another part of life. Although people sometimes don’t understand how he feels, it ultimately doesn’t matter. 

Vibrate My Bones

“Vibrate My Bones” was written while I was lying in bed searching for sleep but finding none. Sleep is the undead that refuses to rise from the grave to take the narrator into the next realm.