Part Four: Downward Spiral

Day to day life was becoming arduous. I spent a lot of time in bed and hoped for sleep to bring me to a new, stress free plane. My daily routine was changing.

After a few dizzy spells on the highway, I decided that I should stick to smaller city streets. I'd try to find a ride if I had an obligation, but often, I’d just find an excuse to bail. I blamed vertigo frequently these days, but in my heart I felt there was something else at play.

As things progressed, it was more than dizziness I had to contend with. I couldn’t deal with waiting rooms or lines of any sort. I was terrified to make appointments for fear of being unable to escape. Escape what? I didn't even know. Something as mundane as a haircut sounded daunting. Dizziness was combined with other panic symptoms, and I began to spiral. 

I started having trouble getting through my work day. This is when things got serious— my livelihood was at stake. During my shifts I was constantly fighting with panic symptoms. I was often unable to catch my breath. I was dizzy, fuzzy, tight in the chest, and unable to focus. Customers would talk to me, but I was miles away. There was a sprinkle of bathroom crying sessions spent on the floor of my grimey bar restroom. “What the hell is happening to me and when will it end,” I would think, head tucked between my knees. After calling in my support staff early a handful of times, I decided I had to ask for a leave of absence. 

It was about this time that my most troubling symptoms began, but I think they deserve a post to themselves. So, let's dive in next time.