Dying on a highway in Tennessee: by Ashley Sinclair

My most recent full-fledged panic attack was a couple of months ago. When I say “full-fledged panic attack,” I mean all out, like I’m dying type of attack. I sometimes have mini panic attacks where I have shortness of breath because I work myself up, but I’m not going to focus on that.

 A couple of months ago, I was driving back to South Florida from Wisconsin (yay 27+ hours straight), and at one point I had to pull over because I suddenly got dizzy. I pulled the car over and started freaking out. Why am I feeling this way? What is happening? Then, it happened. My breath became shorter, someone started stabbing at my heart, and my palms started perspiring. No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening now. Oh my god, I’m dying, I thought, as I got out of the car and semis flew past me at 90 mph. I stumbled over to the field on the side of the interstate and thought, I’m dying. Where even am I? What is my obituary going to say where I died? I asked Josh if we were nearby a hospital. He said we were somewhere in the middle of nowhere Tennessee and there was a hospital about 50 miles away. Ok, so I’m definitely dying on a highway in Tennessee, I thought. After pacing back and forth throughout this random interstate field for a while, I eventually got in the passenger side of the car and had Josh start driving to the nearest hospital until I felt OK again. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths as much as I could. Eventually, as with every panic attack, it ended. I did not go to the hospital yet again.

 A couple of hours later, the sun went down, and the music on the radio turned to static, except for one station. It was some talk show, which I wasn’t super thrilled about, but whatever. I was half listening until I heard the word “anxiety.” My ears perked up as if I were a puppy hearing a noise for the first time. “Anxiety gave me a path to God that led me to share with others what I’ve experienced,” a man’s voice said. I later heard that this was some professional football player (sorry I don’t remember who) and he was talking about how he dealt with anxiety and panic attacks. I remember him saying, “It felt like someone was jabbing me with a knife in my chest. I didn’t know what to do, and it was affecting my profession. I eventually got help and now that I realize what it was, I want to be able to share my experience with others and help each other out.” That right there is what I would like to do too.